Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
