I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i dont even know how to be here
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
