I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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