just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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