Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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