well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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