i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
