I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Damn victory sex feels great
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
