that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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