i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My feet surprised me
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