Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
