It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
