omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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