Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
