Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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