I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
