dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize