If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
