3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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