my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
