just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
