I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
