I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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