shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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