Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
