I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize