susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
bring money and cleavage
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
