Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
