I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
