Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
