she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I want is dick and wine.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
