Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
