Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
