wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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