At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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