Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How's work?
Spinning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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