between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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