And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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