this beer tastes like vomit already
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
