I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
