i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize