woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
