i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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