it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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