Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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