need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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