babies were throwing up all over the place
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
