why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize