'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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