how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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