Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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