Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
