shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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