He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
