question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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