I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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