dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize