I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
