I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
