Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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