My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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