So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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